if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
