I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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