And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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