Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
