Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
