the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
