I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
