I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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