I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Michael Bay diarrhea
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
