So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
