Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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