worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
