im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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