you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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