I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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