btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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