end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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