Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
