i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize