The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
