I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
