The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
