i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
