I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
