So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
