if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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