You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
