That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
