We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
