If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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