Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
