you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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