o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
