I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
