On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
