I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
