I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
