where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
