He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize