just tell him i said nine months
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
