hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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