i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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