Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We need to get me chipped asap
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
