come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize