ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
