what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize