Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
MIDGETS
????
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
