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So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
