He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
