Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
