The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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