I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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