Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
