thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
