My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
