I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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