So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
