I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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