just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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