Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
