Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
