You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have fence marks all over my body
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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