I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
