I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
