She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You pole danced in your parka.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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