I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my shit smells like andre
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
