dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
