tell your sister to shave her snatch
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
