I hate your face
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
