Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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