did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
