People in love make me want to vomit
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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