At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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