yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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