we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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