took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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