The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He? As in you personified your dick?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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