i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
there is glitter all over my balls
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
