3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
