Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
