I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
