You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Please don't give away my fajitas
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
