Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize